): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
