Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
