I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
