I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
