Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
