I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Drunk is a universal language darling
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
