feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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