I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
