call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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