we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
