My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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