I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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