is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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