I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
