Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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