The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
