I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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