you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
