Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
