Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I understand Curling. That high.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
