She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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