Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
