I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize