So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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