What did we do last night that was yellow?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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