True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
