i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
