in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
