He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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