matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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