you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
