If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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