If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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