At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
