Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
