I puked a lego.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
