Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
