Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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