thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
