no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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