Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
