Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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