how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
