after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
