when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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