You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All I want is dick and wine.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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