he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
