It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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