morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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