I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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