You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
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My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
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Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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