I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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