he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
