Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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