do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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