a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
