First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
