I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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