what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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