did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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