Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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