I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
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i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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