Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
