As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
