Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
