dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
