I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
