The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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