Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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