you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
